Action Cast 100: Totally Recalled

Posted 717 days ago by Joe Drilling

Yes, friends. We made it. Finally. We are doing Total Recall again. And then we’re retiring. At least from Action Cast!ing, but stay tuned, because we’re not done with movies, just with this format. At any rate, join Joe, Eric, Anthony, Alex, Ethan, Kurt, Bryce and even Andy as they revisit Total Recall and have some flashbacks about over four years of doing this nonsense.

CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR ASS TO MARS FOR THE LAST TIME!

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Action Cast 99: Action Draft 2

Posted 782 days ago by Joe Drilling

The boys return with another draft. We draft tropes, subgenres and actors as we create treatments for action movies that we would be more interested in than 90% of what Hollywood is putting out these days.

CLICK HERE FOR OUR CG PAUL WALKER PICKS!

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Action Cast 98: This Taco Can't Be Bargained With

Posted 800 days ago by Anthony

Like that weird rash, we’re back! Despite some technical difficulties (please excuse the audio quality on this one), we finally managed to push out this steaming hot podcast. We won’t say which movie we covered, but this episode is truly an audio “assault” on the “precinct” of your ears. Enjoy!

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Action Cast 97: Does That Mean We're in Love?

Posted 841 days ago by Admin

This time, on the Action Cast, we talk about Krishna Shah’s metalsploitation/horror/comedy fever dream, Hard Rock Zombies. \m/

Click here to eat everything on your plate.

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Action Cast 96: Cobretti Bryant

Posted 899 days ago by Anthony

Boredom is a crime. Crime is a disease. Meet the cure.

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Action Cast 95: John McClane is the true detective

Posted 928 days ago by Anthony

McClaaaaaaaaaaane

Time is a flat circle jerk, and so we bring you a blast from our past! Want to know what the Action Cast was up to at the end of this past summer? We were watching the only good Die Hard sequel, that’s what! BONUS: hang in there for most of an episode about Expendables 3 at the end, too!

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Action Cast 94: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2

Posted 967 days ago by Admin

Trick or Treat (Williams), it’s the traditional annual Halloween Action Cast! This year we talk about classic horror film The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Part 2. (Seriously, it IS a classic, trust us.) We also talk about Ravenous, Godzilla, Scream, Gone Girl, Honeymoon, and The Evil Dead remake.

Click here to find out who the Jim Jarmusch of Texas is.

Read on... · Comment

Action Cast 93: John Henry was a butt driving man

Posted 986 days ago by Anthony

Joe is out this week so we compensate by talking about butts. Also: a movie that may or may not have been described as “butt”.

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Action Cast 92: Like Pizza in the Rain

Posted 1012 days ago by Anthony

Look man I missed this one and Alex edited the episode so I can’t even tell you what it’s about. Nobody tells me nothin’

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Action Cast 91: Not Classy Enough to Be a Burlesque Show

Posted 1023 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, the boys record a podcast while doing a livestream on Twitch.tv! We talk about the buddy cop… uh… “classic” Showdown in Little Tokyo. Also, some news from June and talk about things we watched in late May!

Click here to hear us coming!

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Action Cast 90: Jaws' Animatronic Arm

Posted 1044 days ago by Anthony

zagnut

Our inadvertent summer break is over, so get ready for more Action Cast! To celebrate hanging out with our buddies, we cover the father of all buddy cop movies.

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Action Cast 89: Bryce's Angry Ghost

Posted 1104 days ago by Anthony

The rotted wood creaked beneath my feet as I ascended the stairs. Upon reaching the summit, an unusually damp air filled my lungs. My courage took flight, leaving me alone to contemplate the gruesome fate that await on the other side of that door. Steeling my nerves, I gripped the candelabra even tighter and forced myself to turn the knob. Swinging open, I gasped as my eyes fell upon The Action Cast, sensually making pottery with Marilyn Manson. “Join us,” they said, a wry smile spreading across their faces. “We made cherpumple.”

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Action Cast 88: Capcom's Dune

Posted 1141 days ago by Anthony

This week’s episode is short and to the point, the way movies with “The Raid” in the title should be! (Speaking of titles, this week’s is from after we stopped recording. Sorry!)

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Action Cast 87: Shart of Darkness

Posted 1158 days ago by Anthony

fuck Minnesota

Still excited, even though Wrestlemania has come and gone? We’ve got just the thing to cure the desire to watch a wrestler do…well, anything.

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Action Cast 86: Post-crash After-hit

Posted 1173 days ago by Anthony

The Action Cast comes out to plaaaaaaaaaaay. And, uh, also talk about The Warriors. Yeah.

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Action Cast 85: Simon Says Read

Posted 1193 days ago by Anthony

Sly Stallone is a guy. Snipes can go twice as high. Take a look. It’s in a book. An Action Cast episode.

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Action Cast 84: As it is Pronounced in the Original Spanish

Posted 1214 days ago by Anthony

Action Cast Action Buddy Andy Keener joins us once again to talk about…Torque. Yep. Incidentally, all of our other special guests bailed on us as fast and furiously as possible.

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Action Cast 83: The Howard, Fine and Howard School of Kung-Fu

Posted 1224 days ago by Joe Drilling

Our buddy Stiv joins us to officially pour one out for Run Run Shaw as we take on both 1973’s King Boxer (a.k.a. Five Fingers of Death) and 1980’s Clan of the White Lotus (a.k.a. Fist of the White Lotus). We also talk about a bunch of news, including an ill-advised 1984 movie in development, discuss some things we watched (Alex is cool), including a not-so-ill-advised 1984-inspired film and weigh in on whether certain things do or do not constitute use of the word “gross.”

CLICK HERE TO RUN RUN ROUGHSHAW!

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Action Cast 82: Shut Up and Jam

Posted 1231 days ago by Anthony

We have an all out BATTLE ROYALE about this week’s movie. And by BATTLE ROYALE we mean a regular discussion. About Battle Royale. The movie.

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Action Cast 81: Boomsto

Posted 1280 days ago by Joe Drilling

Merry Xmas, kids! This time out, we spend a hour on the news, and a little less than that talking about Die Hard 2: Die Harder. We decide that perhaps we’ve been a little too hard on it in the past, but it still isn’t very good. It’s basically just Die Hard again, but done by someone who is a much less capable filmmaker. Still, enjoy the bumper crop of news and Bryce’s feeble attempts to defend this movie!

Click here to do Nuderate with William Sadler!

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Action Cast 80: Candy Companion

Posted 1288 days ago by Anthony

“And when The Action Cast saw the breadth of their domain, they wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer.”

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Action Cast 79: Cool Graveyard Cinema

Posted 1303 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out we’re joined by a female guest! Can you believe it? It’s Angela Catalano, former program director for the Milwaukee Film Festival, current owner/operator/programmer/whatever of Shotgun Cinema, coming soon to melt the faces off of the New Orleans populace. We’re covering Air Force One, but don’t let that fool you. This ‘cast clocks in over two hours, and surprisingly little of it is discussion about that movie. But we talk about studies, storyboards, Blockbuster closing and Joe and Anthony losing their Alamo Drafthouse virginity. All this and more! (Also, just an FYI, this was recorded before our Thanksgiving b-side from earlier this week, if you couldn’t tell.)

Click here to get off our plane!

Stretch Armstrong storyboard/animatic
Shotgun Cinema (a.k.a. Cool Graveyard Cinema)

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Action Cast 78B: Catastrofuck

Posted 1305 days ago by Joe Drilling

Happy Thanksgiving! Andy returns to join Joe, Eric, Bryce and Anthony to discuss the completely unwatchable trainwreck that is Thankskilling 3. We briefly discuss the first one, in case you don’t remember us talking about it for five minutes three years ago, then we delve into this trash heap. We also discuss if we may have been premature in naming Gunblast Vodka the worst movie. There are debates about that, though. Enjoy us talking about it, but don’t ever, under any circumstances, waste your time with this movie.

Click here for the Travestycast!

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Action Cast 78: Helen Hunt is: Jackie Chan in: Scanners

Posted 1308 days ago by Anthony

The Core Four assemble to talk about Eric’s birthday pick for this year. Well, three of them do, anyway. Anthony may or may not have watched the wrong movie.

Click here to find out!

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Action Cast 77: Gym Caviezel

Posted 1319 days ago by Joe Drilling

It’s just Joe, Alex and Anthony this time out, as they were the only ones brave enough to take on Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning a.k.a. Universal Soldier 6. We lament Eric’s absence as we discuss the new Robocop during the news, and Anthony is the only one who watched a thing (Alex is cool). All this and more headed straight to your ears!

CLICK HERE FOR A GUY PUNCHING A BOWLING BALL!

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Action Cast 76: Yet Another Halloween Special

Posted 1333 days ago by Anthony

He's a basket case. Get it.

Action Cast bros 4 life Bryce Wilson and Ethan Cheng return to help us celebrate the spookiest day of the year yet again. (No, not Flag Day.)

Click here to scare the bejeebus out of yourself!

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Action Cast 75: A Butthole to Remember

Posted 1337 days ago by Anthony

We’d like to take this moment to thank Triscuits™, this week’s sponsor, for making this very special episode of The Action Cast possible. Without Triscuits™‘s support, we would have never been able to bring in big talent like Paul Alvarez II™ to chat with us about awesome action movies like Punisher Warzone. Thanks, Triscuits™!

Click here to experience Batman Exxxtreme!

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I am the one who podcasts: a Breaking Bad spoilercast

Posted 1339 days ago by Anthony

Eric, Kurt, Anthony, and Alex are joined by Anthony’s better half, Abby, and erstwhile contributor Andy Keener to discuss Breaking Bad in its entirety. This episode is chock full of spoilers for the entire show, so steer clear until you’ve watched it!

Click here for some crystal blue persuasion!

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Action Cast 74: What Would You Do with a Klondike Bar?

Posted 1348 days ago by Admin

OH SHIT IT’S THE ACTION CAST! WE DISCUSS THE NEWS (WHICH IS PRETTY OLD AT THIS POINT), CRASH, ELYSIUM, STEELY MCBEAM, AND, OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION, RIKI-OH!

Click here! Trust me, I’m a nurse.

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Action Cast 73: The Worst Movie

Posted 1357 days ago by Joe Drilling

We’ve chided Eric for saying “This is the worst movie we’ve watched,” on more than one occasion. But this time? He’s right. This movie is worse than Santa with Muscles, worse than Super Mario Brothers. It’s so bad we only spend about 30 minutes of this shorter than an hour and a half episode talking about it. Proceed with caution, and whatever you do, never watch Gunblast Vodka.

Click here for noncommittal thoughts on Led Zepplin!

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Action Cast 72: Alexander Fung Reo

Posted 1359 days ago by Anthony

This might be our best episode image yet

We continue our downward trend with even MORE time spent on 3 month old news and even LESS time on our movie of the week. But, we do our best to pour one out for the best hair in the business.

Click here to BATMAN MOTHERFUCKER!

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Action Cast 71: Act Younger

Posted 1374 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, the boys take on what they agree is the least of Paul Verhoeven’s Holy Trinity of Smart Dumb Action Movies: Starship Troopers. Kurt joins the normal chuckleheads for what amounts to one hour of news and our new “Hey guys, I watched a thing” segment, and about 50 minutes of actual Starship Troopers talk.

Click here to find out what the fuck is wrestling!

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Action Cast 70: Ancient Greek Mickey Goldmill

Posted 1389 days ago by Anthony

It's all Greek to me!

We pick the most cliched choice for a belated Ray Harryhausen send off instead of picking the one with the rad skeleton fight. Oh well. R.I.P., big guy.

Click here to get kraken!

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Action Cast 69: Sixty-Nine

Posted 1405 days ago by Joe Drilling

Edgar Wright’s final entry in the Three Flavours Cornetto Trilogy (a.k.a. The Blood and Ice Cream Trilogy) drops this Friday in the U.S., so we’re celebrating by talking about Hot Fuzz. Nevermind that this was recorded two months ago. The truth is that Anthony cashed in his birthday pick (thankfully, he didn’t know it was episode 69, or we could have been in trouble) for us to talk about this superb comedy from across the pond. Also on tap: beards, obscure movies, digressions about The Terminator, news from two months ago and more!

Click here for a great bromance!

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Action Cast 68: The Corkscrew Vagina Monologues

Posted 1443 days ago by Anthony

My voice is feeling rather horse

Due to technical difficulties, we start even more, er, in media res than usual, but we nevertheless persevere to talk about True Lies.

Click here to find out if it’s weiners all the way down (it is)!

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Action Cast 67: Roman Robot Dicks

Posted 1469 days ago by Joe Drilling

Eric, Joe and Anthony form a triple threat this time to discuss Westworld. Westworld is a movie about videogames before there were videogames (generally speaking). We also discuss the Evil Dead remake, catch up on some action movie news, draw parallels to The Terminator and discuss sex robots.

Click here for heat feet!

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Action Cast 66: Squid Brain

Posted 1474 days ago by Anthony

vaya con hotdogs

After our longest hiatus yet (weddings will do that), we’re back! And it’s time to talk about Point Break!

Click here to vaya con Dios!

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Action Cast 65: Dick Imagery

Posted 1525 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, Ethan Cheng joins Joe, Eric, Anthony, Alex and a late Bryce to talk about the late Michael Winner’s magnum opus: Death Wish 3. Topics include: Charles Bronson’s alcoholism, videogames, that one lady from Star Trek: Deep Space 9, awful love scenes, worse dialogue and even worse yet haircuts.

Click here if it’s your car!

And don’t forget to check out PBS Idea Channel on YouTube, because they ask the hard questions. Questions like “Is Nicolas Cage the intersection of YOLO and Taoism?”

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Action Cast 64: Biscuit Fever

Posted 1536 days ago by Admin

This episode is nearly 10 weeks old and had a cursed production (RIP Timmy), but, like good bourbon, the Action Cast gets better with age. We talk about super old news (like the announcement of J. J. Abrams as the director of the next Star Wars movie), Jurassic Park, Django: Unchained, and The Last Stand.

Click here to airbrush your bald spot away!

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Action Cast 63: The Theme of PAX East is Total Fucking Hot Garbage Bullshit Being Forced Down Your Goozle

Posted 1549 days ago by Joe Drilling

Yes, yes, yes. Another year, another PAX East. This time out, Joe, Eric & Alex are joined by ersatz Action Casters Mike, Kurt and Paul (who says nearly nothing) as they do a Rifftrax-style cast of Super Mario Brothers. If you can handle it, watch the movie while listening. It’s like being in an overpriced Boston hotel room with us!

Click here for Mojo.

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Action Cast 62: Jensen vs. Vegeta

Posted 1572 days ago by Joe Drilling

We return! And we bring our guest Nick Rycar with us to talk about Jet Li in Fist of Legend! Along the way we talk about what’s compelling about Eric, Chinese on Japanese racism, LOTS of Star Wars news and wait until the end to find out if the Wu Tang Clan is or is not something to fuck wit’.

Click here to do that one kick in all of Yuen Wo Ping’s movies.

Oh, and don’t forget to check out Rob Liefeld’s freakish Captain America (NSFW) and what Chris Evans would have looked like if he looked like that.

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Action Cast 61: This Movie is Definitely About Vietnam

Posted 1608 days ago by Joe Drilling

In celebration of Walter Hill’s new movie, Bullet to the Head, opening soon, we’re talking about one of his old movies, Southern Comfort. It’s not a Vietnam movie, but it’s… well, you know. Along the way we discuss Ryan Gosling in something that looks like Kickboxer and Liam Neeson in something that looks like Passenger 57 and a whole hell of a lot of other random shit.

Click here to fuck with a one-armed cajun!

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Action Cast 60: Taint-fu

Posted 1618 days ago by Anthony

Sorry if the audio is a bit fuzzy

We celebrate 60 episodes of us by entering the dragon.

Click here if you don’t want to miss the heavenly glory!

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Action Cast 59: Porno Gimp Santa Claus

Posted 1644 days ago by Joe Drilling

In what just might be the worst movie we’ve ever watched, we attempt to tie this in to What a Maneuver and cover our 2nd Hulk Hogan film, Santa with Muscles. Along the way we question our sanity, the filmmakers’ sanity and why we didn’t watch Rocky IV instead.

And because Anthony looked so hard for it:

Click here to go noses to donuts!

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Action Cast 58: Whip-related Activities, Including: Whipping

Posted 1649 days ago by Anthony

Special (unexpected) guest Nick Rycar joins us as we celebrate Joe’s birthday by, uh, watching an awful movie. Getting old sucks, huh?

Unused potential titles for this episode include:
Star Wars of the 80s
Psalm 21: And lo, dudes are gross
I know dudes because I am one
This movie is a land boat
Fuckin’ Mr. Strickland

Click here if you have the power!

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Action Cast 57: For Fuck's Sake

Posted 1663 days ago by Joe Drilling

Mike joins the Action Cast! for only his second time in this episode! To celebrate a great James Bond movie being in theatres, we’re talking about a really shitty James Bond movie, Moonraker. Along the way, we discuss sploshing, Alex’s James Bond obsession, an Asian-Ass Asian Man, Jaws’ awesome Wile E. Coyote faces and more!

Click here to learn the secret of flame-throwing perfume!

Read on... · Comment

Action Cast 56: Xanadoz or Zardu?

Posted 1670 days ago by Anthony

Alex’s birthday was September 6, and we watched The Highlander to celebrate. Yes, this is coming out more than 2 months later. There’s a joke about The Quickening to be made, I’m sure.

Click here to join a book club for sad people!

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Action Cast 55: Things That are Mr. T

Posted 1682 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, the boys celebrate Eric’s birthday with what’s probably the closest thing Terry Gilliam’s done to an action movie, 12 Monkeys. We also have a really lengthy news segment that depresses Eric, as usual. So… happy birthday, Eric!

Click here if you’re from the future, Bob.

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Action Cast 54: The Stuff

Posted 1697 days ago by Admin

Trick or treat bitches, it’s a Halloween Action Cast! You’ll squeal in delight as we cram Larry Cohen’s 80’s horror/satire film The Stuff all the way down your movie hole. We also reveal who the next James Bond is, complain about the Taken sequel and announce Eric’s next project, a Mo Rutherford/Chocolate Chip Charlie buddy action/comedy TV show.

Click here because you can never get enough.

Read on... · Comment

Action Cast 53: Stylistic Avid Farts

Posted 1705 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, the boys pay tribute to the late, great Tony Scott in the only way we know; making fun of one of his movies. It’s Man on Fire this time out, and the panel is pretty split on their feelings. We also discuss the new Robocop script, the aborted Ninja Turtles script and get one step closer to caught up.

Click here to find out if it’s white boy day!

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Action Cast 52: The Why Chromosome

Posted 1710 days ago by Anthony

Get it? Because Judge Dredd grimaces all the time?

Go see Dredd (2012). Stay away from Judge Dredd (1995). Also, uh, stay even further away from Muse’s latest single, I guess?

Click here if you’re THE LAW!

Links

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Action Cast 51: Stallone Creature Effects

Posted 1721 days ago by Joe Drilling

The boys (in this case, Joe, Alex and Anthony) went to see Expendables 2 back in August, then made a podcast about it. We’re posting it in October. Cut us some slack, we’ve been busy, but at least we got it up (tee-hee). So, while it may be too late to take our advice and see it in the theatre, at least you now have our opinion. Which is what we know you all wanted.

Click here for a great text message alert!

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Action Cast 50: Man is not the goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus we want, man is the goddamn sexual tyrannosaurus we deserve

Posted 1737 days ago by Anthony

Baby, you got a stew goin'

After a bit of a hiatus, The Action Cast is back to celebrate our 50th episode, because some damn fool accused us of being the best. (Others wouldn’t wish us on a broke-dick dog.) Either way, stick around, because if it bleeds, we can podcast about it.

Click here if you ain’t got time to read!

Links

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Action Cast 49b: Lost in Trainslation

Posted 1756 days ago by Anthony

There’s a reason this was cut, but the guy editing this likes trains and Bill Murray too much to let it die.

Click here to test whether you know your Dumbo Drop!

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Action Cast 49: A guy who thinks that's a ball-peen hammer WOULD say that

Posted 1767 days ago by Anthony

BORGFACE

This week, the crew grapples with the hobo code as we belatedly pour one out for Ernest Borgnine.

Click here to find out if a man is a train and if a train is a man!

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Action Cast 48b: The Dark Cornhole Rises

Posted 1782 days ago by Anthony

Who don't love cornholing?

This is the internet, and you need someone else to tell you how to feel about things. There’s a new Batman movie out, but fear not, we’ve got you covered.

Click here to talk about scary Batman!

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Action Cast 3b: Total Remake

Posted 1787 days ago by Joe Drilling

Total Recall is out today and we’ve got a podcast on it. Did we get advance passes? Were we invited to the premiere? Fuck no, we’ve just been talking shit about it since the Taken episode. So we threw together a clip show of all the times we’ve talked about how sure we are this movie is gonna suck balls. Given the reviews that are out so far, we think we’re pretty well vindicated. Of course, people who visit this site already knew that, but now you can revisit our prescience in one easy place.

The clips are from several episodes, they’re in chronological order and are separated by soundbytes from a good movie.

Click here to find out why Len Wiseman isn’t wise, man!

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Action Cast 48: Reverse Turd

Posted 1791 days ago by Anthony

This is the podcast about Batmen you need, not the podcast about Batmen you deserve. (Sorry.)

Click here to set your time machine to Britain!

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Action Cast 47: Action Cast

Posted 1814 days ago by Anthony

The Earth has circled the Sun twice since we first cast some action, so we decided to take a break from our usual programming and ring in our Terrible Twos with something special.

Click here to wish us a happy birthday!

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Action Cast 46: This is No Game

Posted 1816 days ago by Joe Drilling

Happy Independence Day! It’s our collective favorite holiday, since shit blows up, so we’re bringing you an episode! A Richard Dawson Memorial Episode, in fact. He passed away recently, and so we’re bringing you an episode about his masterwork: The Running Man. Stay tuned to the end of the episode for a contest that can net you a copy of No Holds Barred, which was just released on DVD!

Click here to get American Gladiator’d to Death!

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Action Cast 45: There Are Birds

Posted 1830 days ago by Anthony

What if the 1950s happened in the 1980s? What if leather fisherman pants were all the rage? What if Joe pretended to be Alex? What if it Bryce leveraged his birthday to choose Streets of Fire as this week’s movie, in our best episode about rock ‘n’ roll fables ever?

Click here to think about The Lord Humongous going bananas!

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Action Cast 44: Xenomorphs are More Complicated Than Hollandaise Sauce

Posted 1833 days ago by Joe Drilling

Eight days ago, Ridley Scott’s kinda/sorta Alien prequel Prometheus was unleashed to theatres and secured one of the most successful opening weekends for an R rated film in US history. Today, the gentlemen of the Action Cast! are unleashed on Prometheus. Some of us liked it, some of us hated it, some of us don’t know what to think, but we definitely enjoyed discussing it. Also, it usually goes without saying, but we do spoil the fuck out of this movie, so be warned. SPOILERS

Click here to hear about a gorgeous mess!

Links

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Action Cast 43c: Newsies

Posted 1840 days ago by Anthony

We surgically removed the news section from our Aliens cast, but it refused to die, and now it’s loose in the vents. Fire up your flamethrower and get ready for an Action Cast Action Movie Action Break!

Click here to be informed!

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Action Cast 43b: The Riddle of Steamy Butthole Antics

Posted 1842 days ago by Joe Drilling

I could try to explain this, but there really is no explanation. Long story short, prior to recording What a Maneuver one night, Eric and Joe somehow ended up having this conversation. It seemed perfect for an Action Cast b-side, especially since we don’t have What a Maneuver b-sides.

Click here to find out what you shouldn’t do a Google image search for!

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Action Cast 43: Surprise Paul Reiser

Posted 1847 days ago by Anthony

Game over, man!

We’re excited about Prometheus’ imminent release, so to celebrate, we had the completely original idea of covering all of the Alien(s) movies. Yes, ALL of them, even the bad one(s).

Join us in our longest episode yet as we discuss xenomorphs, the space jockey, Bill Paxton, horror movies, rape goggles, robots, Bill Paxton, positive arsenic, douchebag college essays, the raddest movie ever, Bill Paxton, homosexual subtext by omission, tortured development history, Bill Paxton, toys, Firefly DNA, bad fanfiction, and the worst birthday ever.

Note: due to the length of the podcast, we surgically removed the opening news segment (mostly without killing the hosts). If the opening seems a bit disjointed, that’s why!

And hey, here’s a breakdown of when we talk about what:

0:00:00 – General comments / Prometheus (no spoilers, since we haven’t seen it!)
0:16:25 – Alien
1:00:18 – Aliens
1:39:55 – Alien 3
2:19:51 – Alien: Resurrection

Click here to imagine Bob Vila’s Death Star!

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Action Cast 42: The Rad

Posted 1853 days ago by Joe Drilling

It’s time to meet the hype train at the station. The boys watched The Raid, but did it meet expectations? Take one look at the episode title, and we’re guessing you can figure it out.

Click here to hear about the best action movie in years!

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Insert pun about JCVD movie plots here

Posted 1857 days ago by Anthony

I know, I know, a post that isn’t a new episode. I’m scared, too, but we can get through this. Just breathe.

To refresh your memory: on our last episode, Joe talked about how he viewed Sudden Death as the point that marked the waning of Jean-Claude’s illustrious career. We joked that the best way to see this trend would be to graph the amount of money each JCVD film made.

Long story short, at the risk of taking a joke too far, I whipped up a quick chart to see if this really was the case. BEHOLD:

He can do the splits

A few points of clarification on this. First, I drew the revenue data from Wikipedia, which in turn drew mostly from Box Office Mojo. If you’ve got a quibble with the numbers used, bring it up with them. Second, due to the lack of data on certain titles, I decided to stick with domestic, rather than worldwide revenue. I plotted what I had of worldwide data and the trend was exactly the same, though, so in the end it probably wouldn’t have mattered. Lastly, I plotted each movie’s budget on the same graph, but the trend was nearly identical and just cluttered things up, so I removed that and added some disembodied JCVD heads instead. I think I made the right call.

So what did we find? Against all odds, Joe was pretty much right on the money this time. After a steady climb that peaks at Timecop (of all movies) in 1994, Van Damme’s gross revenue per movie begins to plummet, with Sudden Death making less than half of what Timecop did only a year later. (Yes, Street Fighter also came out after Timecop and made less, but it was still one of JCVD’s biggest earners and was pretty heavily promoted. I’d personally classify it as his last big film, rather than the beginning of the end.) Of course, Sudden Death still made about $20 million, so it’s only a relative failure. I’d gladly accept $20 million. (This Action Cast gig doesn’t exactly put food on the table, you know.)

I should specifically mention JCVD (the film, not the guy.) That movie’s box office revenue in the U.S. was only $470,691 – but it had an extremely limited theatrical showing in the U.S. It’s probably not fair to compare it to the others, then, but I think it gives it some artsy cred by doing so.

There are also a few omissions, of course. Universal Soldier: The Return was Jean-Claude’s last film in theatres, but he released several direct-to-video movies after, which obviously weren’t included here. In fact, one of the biggest holes in the data are the home video sales, as this is just box office numbers. (I’d bet good money that Bloodsport and Kickboxer made significantly more money than some of these other films on the home market, for example, and speaking from personal experience, seeing those in syndication contributed more to my appreciation of Van Damme than anything else did.) Still, the idea was to use this as a proxy for fame, and I think it works pretty well in that regard. Shockingly well, even, given how volatile audiences can be.

So there you have it. One man’s life work, reduced to a single line graph. I’m actually a little surprised the the majority of his career took place within a single decade. It felt a lot longer than that. Show business is rough, I suppose. Maybe next time I’ll try to find a way to graph the ability to do the splits, to make him feel better.

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Action Cast 41: Hockey Nuggets

Posted 1868 days ago by Anthony

We take on JCVD’s Die Hard in a hockey stadium, Sudden Death, in honor of the Stanley Cup finals.

Click here to find out about the most powerful explosive known to man!

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Action Cast 40: Hard to PAX East

Posted 1891 days ago by Joe Drilling

It’s a PAX-stravaganza as the boys take on their second Steven Seagal film, Hard to Kill! They were holed up in a hotel room at PAX East drinking whiskey (most of them) and Mike Ayles from On the Stick makes his FIRST Action Cast appearance! Sync it up with the movie and it’s just like being there!

But if you do sync it up with the movie, make sure to wait until the SECOND time we tell you to start the movie.

Click here to hear more Hard to Kill puns than you thought possible!

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Action Cast 39: Schemin' Jeans

Posted 1911 days ago by Joe Drilling

It’s a Wrestlemania Special as we take on Roddy Piper’s best movie and ANOTHER John Carpenter movie, it’s THEY LIVE! We also discuss Michael Bay’s TMNT remake and babies.

Click here for Michael Bay’s Space Hamlet!

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Action Cast 38: A Tale of Spicy Adventure

Posted 1922 days ago by Anthony

This week, our heroes valiantly battle maidens and bed wizards to bring you the greatest treasure of them all: a chronicle chronicling the chronicle that is Conan the Barbarian! (And, uh, the Destroyer, too.)

Click here to solve the Riddle of Action Cast!

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Action Cast 37: I Don't Always Jizz the Same Amount

Posted 1934 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out, the boys are taking on Patrick Swayze’s magnum opus: Roadhouse. Along the way, we ponder the volume of a male orgasm, debate if this movie makes any sense and probably make more cancer jokes than are strictly necessary.

Click here if you’ve got balls big enough to come in a dump truck!

And click here to see Red Letter Media’s montage of every face punch in the movie!

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Action Cast 36: Rape Cheese

Posted 1943 days ago by Anthony

Special guest Scott Lowe joins us once again to discuss dirt bikes, Game Gear, and who is and is not garbage.

Click here to do your own stunts!

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Action Cast 35: That's So Batman

Posted 1956 days ago by Anthony

Our schedule went a little Haywire (pause for laughter), so we bring you a double dose of Action Cast goodness: a 70’s, er, classic, and a brand spanking new movie hot off the presses. The…movie presses. Yeah.

Click here to listen to our hairiest podcast yet!

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Action Cast 34: Rape Ghost Coast-to-Coast

Posted 1970 days ago by Joe Drilling

We’re back from our little holiday sabbatical with a gem of a movie that sees Clint Eastwood play a spectral gunfighter who rapes a woman in the first fifteen minutes. Yes, really. It’s High Plains Drifter, and it really is an acid trip of a western. It needs to be seen to be believed, but short of that, you can listen to us talk about it.

Click here to get wrecked by a midget!

Links

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Action Cast 33: The Only Gigantic Austrian Man in Minneapolis

Posted 2011 days ago by Joe Drilling

Eric, Joe and Ethan get together for a smaller than usual ‘cast as we celebrate Christmas with Arnold! We also briefly discuss Die Hard, because it really is the best Christmas movie ever.

Click here to get a Turboman!

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Action Cast 32b: Eric is Joe's Ultimate Warrior

Posted 2015 days ago by Joe Drilling

Hey, remember these? Well, it’s been awhile, but this digression between Joe, Eric and Ethan about pro wrestling fit the bill, so if you’ve got a spare seven minutes and want to hear us talk about how bad we think Kevin Nash’s match at tonight’s pay-per-view will be or how great we think Colt Cabana is, take a listen to this.

Links

Click here to do something nerds think is nerdy!

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Action Cast 32: Giant Sapient Penis Steven Seagal

Posted 2017 days ago by Joe Drilling

As Ethan states early on this time out, “there are six of us.” One of the biggest ‘casts yet takes on our first Steven Seagal movie; Out for Justice to celebrate Joe’s birthday. Bryce, Eric, Anthony and Alex join the aforementioned two to discuss the insanity held in this movie.

(Alternate titles for this episode: “Brooklyn Smells like Piss and is Full of Mooks” – Arthur Miller, Golden Shower Stuntman, It has Layers… Like a Cherpumple, You Naba Fuckin’ Tebaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! (You Knocked My Fuckin’ Teeth Out!), A Dog Named Bobby Lupo, Wopsploitation Movie.)

Links

Click here to find out if you got the balls!

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Action Cast 31: Occasionally British

Posted 2023 days ago by Anthony

We’re altogether wooed by Hard Boiled. Do you see what I did there? On the Stick’s Kurt Adam and Things That Don’t Suck’s Bryce Wilson once again join us.

Links

Click here to save a baby!

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Action Cast 30: Shabby

Posted 2030 days ago by Anthony

Sonny Chiba’s The Street Fighter is on the chopping block this week, in what’s easily our least-shabby podcast to date.

Click here to make an awesome face!

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Action Cast 29: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Fire

Posted 2050 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out Eric, Joe, Anthony, Alex and Ethan take a look at the Rambo series. We discuss its politics, its general insanity, how the first movie is much better than the rest of the series and if fire can be considered weather. We also reveal the winner of our “Too Old for This Shit” contest.

Click here to visit Ronald Rambo’s Rowdy Ranch!

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Action Cast 28: The Burning

Posted 2064 days ago by Admin

This week on the Action Cast, Bryce Wilson of Things That Don’t Suck joins the usual cast to discuss fancy things, Eric’s shitty internet connection, Jason Alexander’s hair, the weather and a lawsuit against Drive’s ad campaign. Oh and some shitty (but kinda fun) slasher flick called The Burning. Happy Halloween everyone! Eat lots of candy, carve some pumpkins and watch anything other than The Burning.

Click here to go out in a Glaze of Glory!

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Action Cast 27: Surprise Helicopter

Posted 2074 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time out we take on the original Lethal Weapon. Turns out, it holds up pretty well. Did you listen last time and send us an email guessing how many “too old for this shit” jokes Anthony makes? Well, whether you did or didn’t you’re gonna find out!

Click here to learn when Mel Gibson stopped being Australian!

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Action Cast 26: Shogun of Pleasanton

Posted 2088 days ago by Anthony

In this week’s episode, Alex makes love to The Last Dragon aurally. The rest of us chime in occasionally.

Click here to find your glow!

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Action Cast 25: Ernest Borg-Facts

Posted 2113 days ago by Joe Drilling

In the most divided Action Cast! yet, we talk about John Carpenter’s Escape movies. The short version is Joe and Bryce like Escape from New York, Anthony and Alex like Escape from LA and Eric likes neither. We also introduce the Billarm.

Links

Click here if you thought we were dead (or taller)!

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Action Cast 24: The Doilynegger

Posted 2134 days ago by Anthony

Like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s schlong, we go all out this week to cover one of the biggest movies in the genre: The Terminator.

Links

Click here to find out if we’ll be back!

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Action Cast 23: Evil Daft Punk with a Lynching Gun

Posted 2150 days ago by Joe Drilling

This time, Anthony is moving across the country, Alex is drunk in Mexico and, well, we’re not really sure what happened to Andy. He may have been captured or killed by the Russians. But regardless, Joe and Eric soldier on with the help of friends Ethan Cheng (himself getting ready to move across THE WORLD, so what’s Anthony’s excuse now?) and Bryce Wilson. We’re talking neo-exploitation masterpiece, Hobo with a Shotgun.

Click here to learn about bears.

Links

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Action Cast 22: Rat Testicle Grenade

Posted 2164 days ago by Anthony

There can only be one, and that one is The One. Too bad it’s a steaming pile.

Click here to get a podcast that’s great in ANY universe!

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Action Cast 21: LEGO Al Leong

Posted 2175 days ago by Anthony

Friend of the podcast Bryce Wilson joins us to hunt for nuggets of gold amongst the steaming piles that are video games based on action movies.

(And again, be sure to check out Bryce’s blog, Things That Don’t Suck .) (But of course, you’re already a subscriber because we told you to last time he was on, right? Well then, check out his excellent Son of Danse Macabre as well!)

Click here to get back in the game!

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Action Cast 20: A Degree in Ninjology

Posted 2186 days ago by Anthony

Behind every stone, on top of every tree, there is a ninja. We can’t save you, but we can podcast to make you feel better.

Click here to go ninja go ninja go!

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Action Cast 19: Die Hard in a Hurricane

Posted 2214 days ago by Anthony

Hang out as we discuss Cliffhanger in our most majestic podcast yet.

Click here to hear a great heating-related joke!

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Action Cast 18: Nutty Joe

Posted 2229 days ago by Anthony

In the post apocalypse, you’ll only need three things: assless chaps, a copy of the Road Warrior, and this podcast.

Click here for the King O Frod

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Action Cast 17b: Dedicated Cunt Button

Posted 2241 days ago by Anthony

Occasionally, we manage to crank out a pretty good podcast. This is not one of those times.

Click here for something near and dear to me strawberry tart!

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Action Cast 17: Crank

Posted 2243 days ago by Anthony

A very special birthday episode just for Anthony.

Click here to get some good advice!

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Action Cast 16: It's Often the Same

Posted 2252 days ago by Anthony

When watching 1980’s The Exterminator, you have to laugh to stay alive…On this podcast, it’s often the same.

Links

Click here to cook a hot dog with a lamp!

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Action Cast 15: Throat-chopped by Caterpillar

Posted 2261 days ago by Anthony

Like Liam Neeson, not even technical difficulties can stop us. Prepare for pure aural throat chopping with one of our baddest episodes yet as we discuss a movie near and dear to our hearts: Taken.

Links

Click here to hand France its ass!

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Action Cast 14: Brock Jizzler

Posted 2279 days ago by Anthony

As part of OntheStick.com’s Wrestlemania Week extravaganza, the Action Cast crew – plus friend of the podcast Ethan – talk about two wrestling classics: The Scorpion King, and No Holds Barred.

Links

Click here to find out what that smell is!

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Action Cast 13: Jesus Died for Die Hard 2: Edge of Reason

Posted 2301 days ago by Anthony

Five dudes, five elements. Can we make it any simpler? Though really, Alex’s love for The Fifth Element alone is more than five ordinary men, so that’s, like, 9, probably. Man, math sucks.

Click here to pop it, D-man!

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Action Cast 12: Ip Yam

Posted 2314 days ago by Anthony

As we discuss the Chinese epic Ip Man, The Yam Cast would like to remind you that we love all of Mother Earth’s peoples and any off-color remarks are for dramatic effect only.

Links

Click here to listen to us yammer on and on.

Action Cast 11b: A Dude Made of Dudes

Posted 2318 days ago by Anthony

You should listen to this while watching the January 27th post on todaysbigthing.com. You won’t regret it!

Click here to hear about dudes.

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TO ACTION!

Action Cast is a podcast about jumping away from explosions in slow motion.

Click here to see all the movies we've talked about.

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